Why We Resist What We Want (Even When We Know It’s Right for Us)
You’ve journaled about it. Prayed for it. Vision boarded it. The dream. The calling. The next-level version of your life. You know it’s meant for you.
But here’s the truth about why we resist what we want:
It doesn’t always arrive with a ribbon on top.
The things we’re asking for rarely come all at once.
Instead, we’re invited to take small, soul-led steps in their direction.
⚡️Steps that feel uncertain.
⚡️Steps that stretch us.
⚡️Steps that ask us to move before we feel ready.
You can’t see the end.
You have no idea what it’s going to look like.
And yes, it’s scary as hell.
That’s when your nervous system, hardwired to protect you from the unknown, steps in.
It whispers wait. It tightens into not yet. It floods you with self-doubt, fear, and a million ‘logical’ excuses to avoid moving forward.
With one of my coaching clients, it looked like this:
She was being handed everything she had asked for…opportunities, invitations, people literally asking her, “When’s your next event?”
And yet… she didn’t take any actions towards getting ready for the event.
She filled her days with things that felt productive but avoided the work her soul was calling her toward.
She thought she was just procrastinating.
But what she was really doing was self-abandoning.
And me? I’m not immune to this…after speaking to my client this morning I had to be honest with myself. Last week, I was asked to be on a podcast, which is a great opportunity for me as a coach and something I’ve wanted.
But guess what …. I haven’t replied the email yet. 🤦🏻♀️
That’s the tricky thing about abandoning yourself, it often shows up in subtle, quiet ways.
As overthinking.
As I just need to feel more ready.
As maybe when I have more time.
But whether we’re turning away from invitations or hesitating in the unknown, we’re facing the same choice:
To abandon ourselves in the name of safety… Or to choose ourselves, one brave step at a time.
Why We Resist What We Want
If you've ever said, "I want this so badly," and then found yourself doing everything but the thing…you’re not alone.
This resistance , often mislabeled as procrastination or laziness, is one of the most common signs of self-sabotage. And for so many women I work with, it’s not because they don’t care, it’s because they’re afraid.
So, why do we resist what we want?
Here are some deeper truths I’ve discovered through my own journey and in coaching soul-led women who are trying to move toward their desires with more trust, intention, and self-leadership:
1. It challenges your identity
Saying yes to the life you desire means becoming someone new, or more accurately, becoming more you.
But even that kind of growth can feel like a threat.
If your identity has been built around being the helper, the good girl, the one who stays behind the scenes, then becoming the woman who leads herself forward can feel terrifying.
Even when it feels aligned, stepping into your power requires shedding an old skin, and that can be paralyzing.
2. It overwhelms your nervous system
When you’ve lived in survival mode, the unknown never feels safe.
Even joy, success, visibility, the very things you’ve been craving can trigger a stress response, if your body’s baseline has been struggle.
This is why nervous system regulation is essential to radical self-care.
You can’t force yourself into your next chapter, but you can create safety as you move toward it.
Sometimes, the resistance we feel is actually our nervous system sounding the alarm.
But not all fear means stop, some fear means this matters. Learning to listen to the body and discern the difference is part of the work. This post on boundaries and listening to your body is a great place to start.
3. It makes you visible (and vulnerable)
Having a desire is one thing. Showing up for it? Speaking it out loud? That’s next-level vulnerability.
What if I fail?
What if I’m judged?
What if I lose people along the way?
This is why many women choose to stay on the sidelines, even when they know they’re meant for more.
Because it feels safer than standing in the spotlight of their own truth.
4. It requires self-trust
And trust is something many of us were never taught.
When you’re used to outsourcing your worth to productivity, validation, being needed, it’s hard to believe in yourself without evidence.
But this is where self-leadership begins. You don’t need to be fearless. You just need to be willing to take the next aligned step, even if your hands are shaking.
If you’re wondering what self-leadership actually looks like in real life, the quiet, brave moments that don’t always make a splash but change everything, this blog post breaks it down beautifully.
5. It brings up the fear of disappointment
To want something deeply is to risk being disappointed. So instead, we say “I’m figuring it out” or “I’m not ready yet.”
We stay vague.
We delay.
Because if we never go all in, we never have to feel the heartbreak of not getting it.
But here’s the truth:
Self-abandonment is a different kind of heartbreak…the quiet kind that lingers.
💭 Real Talk
Resistance doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. It just means the path is stretching you.
And that stretch? It’s exactly where your next version lives.
5 Ways to Move Forward (Gently)
This isn’t about pushing harder. Or “getting over it.” Or hustling your way through the fear.
This is about staying with yourself , with tenderness and courage, as you move through the resistance and into the life you’ve been asking for.
Here are five ways I support my clients (and myself) to gently move forward when self-doubt, fear, or avoidance kicks in:
1. Name what’s really happening, without shame
Often, when we’re stuck, we default to self-blame. We think we’re lazy, flaky, or unmotivated.
But beneath the surface is usually something tender: fear, overwhelm, or a nervous system trying to protect us from being seen, failing, or getting it “wrong.”
Before you take action, pause and ask:
👉 What part of me is afraid right now?
👉 What might this resistance be trying to protect me from?
When we shift from judgement to curiosity, we begin to soften the edges around our resistance, and we make space to move.
2. Create safety in the body first
If your body doesn’t feel safe, no mindset trick will stick. You might want to send the email, pitch the workshop, or post the offer, but if your nervous system is on high alert, you’ll freeze, fawn, or flee.
This is why self-leadership starts with regulation.
Try this:
Put your hand on your heart or belly.
Breathe slowly in through your nose for 4, out for 6.
Say to yourself: “I’m safe to take one small step.”
You don’t need to calm your whole life, just your breath in this moment.
3. Make the next step ridiculously small
When the gap between where you are and where you want to be feels too big, your brain shuts down.
You think: “I need to launch the whole thing.” But really? You just need to take the next step.
Ask:
👉 What’s the smallest next step I can take today?
Open the Google Doc.
Brainstorm three ideas.
Write the first paragraph.
Send your podcast availability (yes, I’m talking to myself here 😉).
Tiny steps create momentum and momentum builds trust.
4. Speak to the version of you who’s afraid
That part of you that’s stalling? She’s not trying to sabotage you, she’s trying to keep you safe.
But you, your wise, grounded, soul-led self, she gets to lead now.
Try journaling from your future self:
✨ “I know you’re scared. And you don’t have to have it all figured out. Just keep going, I’ve got you.”
Or whisper to yourself:
🫶 “We’re safe. You’re not alone. We can do this gently.”
This is radical self-care: staying with yourself, even in the wobble.
5. Let yourself be supported
You are not meant to do this alone. Sometimes we don’t move forward because we think we have to figure it all out ourselves. But letting yourself be witnessed, held, coached, mirrored, changes everything.
This is why I do the work I do. Not to “fix” anyone. But to create a space where women can stop shrinking, start listening inward, and take bold, soul-aligned steps… with support.
Letting yourself be supported is self-leadership. And it’s one of the bravest choices you can make.
✨ Closing Reflection
If you’ve been asking for something more for your life:
✨ to finally run that women’s circle
✨ to share your voice in a bolder way
✨ to stop hiding behind the to-do list and start living what you believe
✨ to trust your intuition and actually act on it
✨ to stop abandoning yourself and start leading from within...
And still find yourself hesitating, second-guessing, cleaning the house, tweaking the Canva, or telling yourself “maybe next week…” You’re not failing. I promise you! You’re in the stretch. The sacred in-between.
That moment where your next-level self is calling you forward and your old patterns are begging you to play it safe.
This is where radical self-care becomes a rebellion.
Where self-leadership starts with one choice: to stay with yourself instead of walking away again.
This is the work I do as a coach.
I support women who are wildly capable but quietly stuck. I stand with them as they move through the fear, soften the resistance, and start showing up for what they say they want.
✨ If you're ready to stop shrinking and start leading in your life, your work, or your next soul-led chapter, please
DM me on Instagram or explore ways to work together here.
You don’t have to wait until you feel “ready.” You just have to decide you’re done abandoning yourself.
What’s Next?
Ready to stop resisting your desires and start leading from within?
Here’s what self-care as self-leadership really looks like , because it’s so much more than routines. It’s how you come home to yourself.
