Are You Saying "Yes" When You Really Want to Say "No"? (How to Listen to Your Body and Build Stronger Boundaries)
🌿 Let’s Get Honest for a Second
Have you ever said yes when you were already running on empty? Like agreeing to stay late at work to finish a project, even though you had dinner to cook and you’d promised your son you’d take him to sport? How about, volunteering to organize a school event or bake sale, even though your weekends were already packed and you hadn’t had a day to yourself in months? Or offering to help a friend move—even when your own house felt like chaos and you just needed one weekend to reset?
We’ve all been there. We say yes because as women, we’re taught to be kind, helpful, accommodating. But when we do, we’re not just overcommitting, we’re ignoring the quiet, sacred wisdom of our bodies.
This isn’t just a mindset issue—it’s soul-led self-care and self-leadership.
🌿 Your Body Knows First: The Link Between Embodiment and Boundaries
That tightening in your chest when you said yes to staying back after work, even though your body was begging you to go home, and just be with your family.
The way your stomach twisted when you agreed to organize the end-of-year party at work, because everyone was looking at you and you didn’t want to disappoint them, even though you were already stretched thin.
The low-grade headache you always get around family holidays, when you agree to cook the meal, host the relatives, juggle the kids and suddenly you realize, I haven’t had a moment to breathe, let alone sit down with a cuppa.
These aren’t random aches or passing annoyances. They’re your body’s way of waving a big red flag, saying, “This is too much. This isn’t aligned. This isn’t taking care of me.”
Here’s the truth:
Your body carries the wisdom of your soul. It holds the whispers of what’s right for you and what’s not, long before your mind can rationalize or talk you out of it.
But so many of us, especially the women I work with in radical self-care coaching, have learned to override that wisdom. We’ve been taught to put others first, to say yes even when it costs us, to be the dependable one, the fixer, the peacekeeper.
And over time, that disconnection becomes a habit. You stop noticing the clenching in your belly, the fatigue behind your eyes, the way your breath shortens every time you overcommit…until one day, it’s not just discomfort, it’s crashing and burning!
But here’s the good news: you can start listening again. And when you do, you’ll notice the shift…your body will soften, your breath will deepen, your energy will rise. You’ll start living in alignment with what’s true for you.
💫 Journaling Prompt: When was the last time your body told you “no,” but you ignored it? What did it feel like? What would have happened if you’d honored it instead?
🌿 And Then… Your Mind Talks You Out of It
Even when your body says no—your mind often swoops in like a smooth-talking negotiator.
It says things like:
“Don’t be difficult.”
“They’ll think you’re rude if you say no.”
“It’s easier to just do it.”
“You have the time, so why not?”
“If you don’t step in, who will?”
Sound familiar?
This is the pattern I see in so many women I support through my self-care and self-leadership coaching: they feel the no in their bodies, but then override it with guilt, obligation, or fear of disappointing others.
It’s not your fault. This mental override has been conditioned into us. We’ve been praised for being agreeable, rewarded for pushing through, and told that being "selfless" is the goal.
But here’s the truth:
When you say yes from guilt or fear, you’re not being kind to yourself, you’re betraying and abandoning yourself for the sake of others.
That’s what leads to the slow, quiet burnout so many women are walking around with. Not because they’re tired or not capable but because they’re constantly negotiating against their own well-being.
So the work here isn’t just listening to your body. It’s about retraining your mind to stop seeing rest as laziness, boundaries as selfish, and self-abandonment as generosity.
💫 Journaling Prompt: What’s one story my mind tells me when I try to say no? Where did that story come from—and is it still true?
🌿 A 3-Step Practice to Start Listening
This isn’t about dropping everything and saying no to the world. It’s about coming home to yourself, one decision at a time.
1️⃣ Pause.
When a request comes your way—whether it’s a colleague asking for a favor, a family member needing help, or even your own inner voice pushing you to do more—stop. Just for a breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Let your shoulders drop. Create a moment of space.
2️⃣ Tune In.
Ask your body: “How does this feel?”
Do you feel tightness in your shoulders, a heaviness in your chest, or a pit in your stomach?
Does your breath feel shallow or constricted?
Or do you feel lightness, openness, and a sense of ease?
Your body knows.
3️⃣ Respond with Love.
If your body says no, honor it. You can respond with clarity and kindness, without overexplaining:
“Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t take this on right now.”
“That’s not in alignment for me today.”
“I’m prioritizing rest this weekend, so I’ll need to pass.”
This isn’t about shutting people out. It’s about honoring your boundaries, your energy, and your truth.
💫 Journaling Prompt: What’s one small way I can pause and tune into my body today, before making a decision?
🌿 Why This Matters for Women Like Us
You’re the one people lean on—the friend who always shows up, the mum juggling school lunches and work calls, the partner who holds it all together. You care deeply, and you’re capable.
But here’s the truth: You’re not meant to carry it all.
When you constantly override your body’s wisdom—when you say yes while your soul says no—you’re slowly eroding your energy, your presence, your joy.
Listening to your body isn’t just self-care. It’s radical self-leadership for women.
When you start listening, you’ll feel:
A new sense of calm and clarity.
More energy, because you’re not leaking it into things that drain you.
Time and space for what actually matters—whether that’s a slow morning, a creative project, or just a moment of breath.
💫 Journaling Prompt: Where in my life am I saying yes too often? What would shift if I gave myself permission to say no?
💫 Want to dive deeper into what this really means? Check out my post on What it really means to embody self-care as self-leadership to explore how this shift can change your life.
🌿 Your Invitation to Go Deeper
If you’re feeling the pull to reconnect with your own truth, I’d love to invite you to my Soul-Led Reset.
It’s a free 3-day experience for the woman who’s been “doing the work”—the journaling, the boundaries, the self-development podcasts—and still finds herself second-guessing, people-pleasing, or exhausted from trying to keep it all together.
This Reset will help you:
🌿 Drop the pressure to get it “right”.
🌿 Hear your own voice beneath the noise.
🌿 Make one brave, honest shift that honours what you need now.
💌 If you’re ready to reconnect with your soul’s whispers and create space for something new, I invite you to join me for the Soul-Led Reset. Let’s begin this journey together.
💫 And if you’re wondering why the typical self-care strategies don’t seem to work, I share my personal story in Why Self-Care Didn’t Work (Until I Made a Radical Shift). You’ll discover the deeper shifts that made all the difference.
🌿 A Tiny Shift You Can Make Today
Somewhere today, when you feel that tug to say yes out of habit—pause. Notice. Ask your body, “Is this right for me?”
Even if you can’t change your answer in that moment, just noticing is a radical act of self-leadership. It’s you, choosing yourself.
🌿 Questions You Might Be Wondering About
❓ Why is it so hard for women to set boundaries?
Many of us were taught that being “nice” means saying yes, even when it costs us. Add societal expectations, family roles, and people-pleasing habits—and it becomes a deeply ingrained pattern.
❓ How does listening to my body help with the cycle of overcommitting and self-abandonment?
Your body sends clear signals when you’re stretched too thin. Listening and responding to those signals is the first step in reclaiming your energy and breaking the cycle of overcommitting, overextending, and self-abandonment.
❓ What’s soul-led self-care?
Soul-led self-care is more than walks on the beach and lighting candles; it’s daily practices and decisions rooted in self-trust, boundary-setting, and honoring what truly feels right for you.
