What Self-Leadership Really Looks Like (Hint: It’s Not Always Loud)
Ever notice how you can be doing all the self-care and still feel stuck playing small?
You’re meditating, journaling, drinking the green smoothies.
You’re reading the books, booking the retreats, listening to the podcasts.
Maybe you’ve even worked with a coach or therapist or two before.
But still…something feels off.
You hesitate before you speak.
You second-guess your decisions.
You hold back from asking for what you really want.
You’re doing the work… but not seeing the shift you’ve been longing for.
That was me.
The Moment I Knew Something Had Changed
It happened during a regular group coaching call on Zoom. Nothing fancy. No breakthrough meditation. No deep process work. Just a coach asking if anyone had a question.
And without hesitation, I raised my hand.
It sounds so simple, right?
But the significance of that moment landed in my body like a soft but steady truth.
No inner monologue trying to talk me out of it.
No fear of sounding silly or taking up too much airtime.
No second-guessing whether my question was worthy of asking.
Just… calm. Grounded. Present.
And that’s when it hit me:
Something in me had shifted.
I’m not even sure when exactly.
Was it a gradual layering over months?
Or did I simply wake up one day and feel different?
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Because what I knew in that moment was this:
The version of me from a year or two ago? She wouldn’t have done that.
Back in those days, I remember being filled with questions, but I hardly ever voiced them.
I’d rehearse them in my head, waiting for the “perfect” way to say it.
I’d compare myself to others who seemed so confident, so articulate.
I’d shrink a little every time I stayed quiet, not because I didn’t have something to say, but because I didn’t fully trust I belonged.
I questioned my voice.
I questioned my place.
I worried I was behind or not enough, but deep down, I always knew I was meant for this work.
But this time, I noticed I was different.
I didn’t overthink it. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t need a pep talk.
I trusted the nudge.
I let myself be seen. As someone who is curious, imperfect, and fully human.
And in that moment, I realised: this is what self-leadership feels like.
It’s not loud. It’s not dramatic.
It’s not about having it all figured out.
What Shifted?
It didn’t happen in one big “aha.” It wasn’t a dramatic breakthrough or a bold, overnight change.
It was gradual. Accumulative. Built over time through tiny, intentional choices.
It started when I realised that if I truly wanted to live the life of my dreams, a life that felt aligned, meaningful, and like an honest expression of who I am, I had to start putting myself first. My growth. My healing. My energy. My values. My boundaries. My truth.
✨ It looked like catching myself in the act of people-pleasing and gently pausing.
✨ It looked like journaling on what I actually wanted instead of what I thought was expected of me.
✨ It looked like saying no to invitations that drained me, even if they came with guilt.
I began putting my growth and healing on the table, not as a side project, but as a priority. I started honouring my values, not just writing them down, but living them. I gave myself permission to speak up, rest, and step back, even when no one else understood why.
And here’s the most surprising part:
That work … the deep, daily self-honouring is what made the ease possible.
The ease I felt when I raised my hand that day. The ease I feel now when I say, “No, that’s not going to work for me.” The grounded, calm, nothing to prove energy that’s slowly becoming my new normal.
That’s the shift. Not in what I do, but in how I be.
That’s what self-leadership really is. Not loud. Not perfect. Not always comfortable.
But steady. Real. And deeply yours.
You Might Not Be in Coaching School… But Maybe You Know This Feeling
Maybe you’re…
Nodding along in meetings, even when you don’t agree
Overcommitting yourself because saying no still feels selfish
Holding back in your business or creative work, afraid it’s not “ready” yet
Staying silent in friendships or relationships to avoid tension
Carrying the weight of everyone else’s needs and leaving your own last
If this resonates, you might enjoy this post:
👉 Why Self-Care Didn’t Work Until I Made This Radical Shift
You Don’t Need More Self-Care. You Need Self-Leadership.
What you’re craving isn’t another morning routine or journal prompt.
It’s deeper than that.
It’s the ability to:
Trust your instincts without overthinking
Speak up without rehearsing it 10 times in your head
Choose what’s right for you, even when it ruffles feathers
Finally feel at home in your own skin
This is exactly the kind of shift we explore in The Soul-Led Reset-my free 3-day journey to help you reconnect with yourself and begin tuning into what you really need. If you're curious about what self-leadership actually feels like, start here.
This Is the Work I Do
I work with women who’ve already started their personal growth journey, but are realising that self-care alone isn’t cutting it anymore.
They’re craving a deeper, more anchored way of living. One where their choices, boundaries, and relationships reflect who they truly are, not who they’ve been conditioned to be.
In our 1:1 coaching together, we explore what it means to:
Honour your energy instead of pushing through
Speak your truth with grounded confidence
Create space for ease, joy, and clarity, not just productivity
This is transformational work that asks you to show up for yourself in a new way. Not from striving, but from deep self-respect. Not to fix yourself, but to remember who you are.
Want to learn more about my coaching offers 👉🏼 head here.
Reflection Prompts
What’s one small moment that revealed how much you’ve grown?
Write it down. Honour it. Let it show you what’s possible.
