Why Self-Care Didn’t Work—Until I Made This Radical Shift

You’re doing all the things they tell you to do.

Journaling. Meditating. Practicing gratitude.
You’ve read the books. Lit the candles. Said the affirmations through gritted teeth.

You want to feel better.
You want to feel like you again.
But deep down, something still feels off.

I know that space well.
I lived there for years.

I Thought I Was Doing It Right

Three times a week I was at group training in the park before the sun came up. I had meditation apps downloaded and dabbled in journaling. I was reading personal development books and listening to podcasts. I had a growing candle collection and a deep desire to feel like I was making progress.

And for a while, it helped.
There were glimpses of relief. Glimmers of hope.
But real change? Lasting transformation? It never landed.

Because even with all the self-care in the world, I still found myself saying yes when I wanted to say no.
Still filling my calendar with everyone else’s needs.
Still holding it all together on the outside—while quietly wondering, Is this all there is?

Then Came the Moment That Changed Everything

Over a few drinks one evening, a really close friend told me, lovingly:

“The best thing about you is how you always think of everyone else first.”

She meant it as a compliment.
But for me, it was like lightning to the soul.

Because I had been that woman.

The helper. The strong one. The considerate one. The one who could be counted on.
I was holding space for everyone but myself.

I had become so skilled at morphing, softening, over-giving and over-functioning… that I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

Self-care as I knew it couldn’t touch that.
It was soothing the symptoms, not healing the root.
And suddenly I knew: I didn’t need another routine.
I needed a reckoning.

What I Needed Was Radical Self-Care

This shift didn’t come in one dramatic moment.
It came quietly. Slowly.

Like a whispered “what if” that grew louder over time.

✨What if I stopped abandoning myself to stay comfortable for others?
✨What if I honoured what I wanted, what I needed, what I knew deep down?
✨ What if I stopped performing self-care—and started living it as self-leadership?

The answers didn’t show up overnight.
But the questions became my compass.

What Radical Self-Care Looks Like Now

It’s not picture-perfect. It’s not always peaceful. But it’s mine.

Radical self-care, for me, looks like:

• Saying no to things that drain me—even when they make sense on paper

• Choosing to rest on a Wednesday afternoon, without guilt or explanation

• Walking away from the job that was draining me, even when the paycheck said stay

• Speaking up when my truth feels inconvenient—but necessary

• Trusting my own timing, even when the world is moving faster

It’s no longer about trying to be more, do more, or fix what was never broken.
It’s about remembering who I am—and choosing her every single day.

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And Maybe, This Is Where You Are Too

Maybe you’ve started the journey. You’ve read the books. You’re doing the self-care.
But it still feels like you’re circling the same questions.
Still reacting to life, rather than living it on your terms.

There’s nothing wrong with you. But there is something stirring inside—a quiet knowing that says, this isn’t it. Not fully. Not yet. Not even freakin’ close!

That whisper is calling you into something deeper.
A more honest way of living. A more intentional way of being—where rest isn’t something you squeeze in once everything else is done.
Where your no doesn’t come with guilt.
Where your needs aren’t negotiable.

You don’t need more hacks or habits.
You need support that honours your fire and your softness.
You need space to rise—on your own terms. To remember that you were never meant to live on autopilot.

And above all else? You deserve a life that feels like it’s truly yours.

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